One of the things intelligent people learn as they get older is how to avoid conflict. I realize that’s a bold statement, but it's based on the standpoint of preferring peace to battle. Even so, I understand we should “yearn for peace but prepare for war.” I think this applies in virtually every setting of human life: personal relationships, faith, and work, to be sure. Any life worth living requires a person to battle for important things, things that are of value.
But some of us yearn for the battle and seem to derive our value, if not pleasure, from constant fighting and bickering. There are people who, for want of a conflict, seek to create one to get a jolt of adrenaline or dopamine. I have learned to stifle that urge in my soul and avoid others who cannot do so.
I didn’t always have this outlook. The obvious reason points to my chronic immaturity through the age of 30, give or take a couple of years. Another reason is that I had not yet had my fill of having my butt kicked. Raising a family, staying married for 35 years, and leading two schools have cured me of any desire to explore additional opportunities for personal deflation.
The process of figuring out the beauty of conflict avoidance, or if necessary, resolution, is a tool that my children are learning as they raise their own families. I’m not sure I taught them what I learned very well, so they’ll have to listen to this.
Poking the Bear